I am a white Christian male who is deeply in love with a Muslim woman from Africa. She has a child and has been divorced from a Muslim man who treated her cruelly.  We were good friends at first, then we fell in love with each other. My family are racists and she believes her family will disown her if they knew of her relationship with me. So we have kept our relationship a secret. As to the extent of our relationship, we have hugged and kissed, but nothing further. I respect her and her religion and she respects mine. We were really close until Ramadan. A few weeks after Ramadan, she told me that she loved me, but I could not touch her anymore. Some of this has to do with bad memories of her husband, and some has to do with her thinking that she is dishonouring God.  I love her and need her in my life. How can I bring her happiness. Friends, she has gone through so much. I need more than "stop seeing her". We both feel that God brought us together. There is no other reason that our relationship should have happened. It is true love. Please help.

* * *


Thank you for your letter. We do sympathize with your situation, however, the only way we can possibly help you is to let you know what the Muslim law is that pertains to your situation. The Islamic religion provides a complete code of life for its faithful followers, and people who follow the Muslim religion are required to obey and comply with certain laid down restrictions and prohibitions.

There are two very fundamental rules of law in Islam which relate to your particular situation:

(1) Free mixing of sexes –  for example . . . unescorted meetings for purposes other than marriage are absolutely forbidden. Obviously then, physical contact such as "kissing and hugging" are not permissible . To even look at a member of the opposite sex with lust and undesirable thoughts is also strictly forbidden.

(2) A Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man, even though he may be a Christian or a Jew. Christians and Jews are legally termed “People of the Book” or “People of the Scripture” in Islam.

As to the special rules for the month of Ramadan, which involves fasting from dawn to dusk, a Muslim husband and wife are even forbidden normal conjugal relations (which includes touching, kissing & hugging with lust). These activities are strictly and absolutely forbidden while fasting, although they are  permissible after the fasting hours, or during the night, when the couple is not fasting.

We trust this information will help in developing a proper understanding of the nature of the privileges and limitations of Muslim women in these matters. Obviously then, it calls for great respect, tolerance and thoughtfulness of all the parties involved in order to keep the relationship above board. For further information, we invite you to read some of the articles on our website.
A similar question was asked of us and is published on our website at this location.